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A Post about my last post

9/24/2018

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Picture

​I had always hoped to be my most authentic self as a teacher. It took a while to trust myself in this process, but it was always my greatest goal, to be myself, my vulnerable, real self. I have realized recently that I’m there.  Blogging has been the thing that has pushed me there the most. I wonder what other educators have set for goals, and how they measure that.



One of the earliest mentors in my teaching career, years before I even taught, was a special education teacher at a middle school in Boulder. She asked me what I most looked forward to, in being a teacher. I didn’t hesitate: “helping students find their voice.”  This teacher told me I was already a teacher and would do well. She told me most teachers told her decorating their rooms. That shocked me, but that’s another blog.

So, twenty-five years later, that’s still my goal, to help students find their voices. And I’m feeling like I’m helping more and more.  I’m inspired by some recent replies to my latest blog.

I had responses from a former student, a current student, and a former classmate.

These connections are amazing.  And humbling.

I’m moved that my former classmate replied to my blog, I’m enlightened by her wisdom and how she perceives my own.  I’m moved by the words of my former student, who must be in her late 20’s, still holds me in a place of inspiration and who seeks wisdom from me (really, she is smart…).  

But the words of my current student move me in such a different way.  

It’s Friday afternoon, the day after I published my last blog, and I’m pretty tired from a long short week (why are short weeks so long?). It’s been a great day, not without blips, but that’s par for the course in middle school.  So, I come in from outside duty, and I sit down to check my email. There is a comment on my blog from an “Abby”. I read it. It’s beautiful, amazing, and humbling. There is no last name, so I click into my blog, and I see who it is.

My student.  I re-read her words, and I start crying. I’m moved beyond I can describe.  This is what she wrote in response to my last blog.

You are a seriously developed human. An odd way of saying that, I know, but also the best, in my opinion. Fear is something we all deal with. As a student, I have a good amount of fear to get past. One tip I can offer is pretend you are a protagonist. Pretend you are fighting your way past your problems. Write yourself analogies of how its hard, of what is happening, making it sound like a very intense and hyped-up book. Because protagonists always win, in one way or another. Make yourself into a book, and read it. see yourself from another prospective. It also helps when you really don't want to continue your homework. Pretending you are in an epic montage is quite motivational, if I do say so myself.
 
Anyways, now that we covered that, lets talk about what a good job you did. Uploading is hard. Because once its there, people see it. But trust me, the people who see it are just going to grow to know you more. If you don't like it, that's okay. I don't exactly love myself at all times, but i keep going because its what we do. We love your uploads. All of them. And if everything is falling apart, that's fine. Pretend its fine until it is. It will be.
 
We all believe in you, and your writing, and we love your blogs(and your flattering remarks about your students). Keep it up!

Where do I begin? I need to begin with what impresses me the most, the thing I value the most. My student is reaching out to me as a fellow human. We are equals in this sharing.  She read my words, and she wanted to engage in my thinking and feeling and share her advice.

Then, there is her advice.  It’s brilliant, wise, creative. I should see myself as a protagonist fighting the conflicts of all great stories.  Because “all protagonists win, in one way or another”. And, then, she says this idea helps her with homework. The juxtaposition of huge problems to daily real problems, from the wisdom of an eighth grader, well, it humbles me.

And then, her other advice about how I should risk people knowing me better. And that it doesn’t matter how people feel when they know me better. These words from my student, when I try desperately to help students feel that message.  

So, I’m humbled, deeply.

And here is the biggest thing about Abby reaching out to me human-to-human. She is empowered. She is reading my work as an authentic piece of writing, and she’s being her real authentic audience self. And she’s empowered to engage. That’s what made me get welled up with tears when I read her words on Friday afternoon. There is no greater hope for me than that my students feel empowered to think, learn, reason, own their own thoughts and actions, create, reach out, make change happen.  

And feel empowered to reach out to her teacher.  

What a gift.  

Thank you, Abby.

Gratitude: the technology that keeps me in touch, in a deep and meaningful way with others.

Goals: keep putting myself out there and risking others knowing me.  

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My past 12 rough draft blogs into one mash-up blog.

9/4/2018

8 Comments

 
I’m so far behind in this blog. I’ve written twelve blogs since last April and have published none of them.  Here are the reasons why:
  • Fear
  • Things got too personal
  • I didn’t like how I wrote and lost steam on revising
  • I lost focus on what I wanted to say
  • Fear
  • Things got too personal
There are a lot of other reasons, but those are the main reasons. I’m going to do a quick verbal mash-up of what has been going on with my twelve (or more blogs):

    Caveat: I’m okay, really:)
    I’ve been thinking about teaching in ways that are the same as they’ve always been and also so different, and I can’t explain it without a few years off to study this (fear); I have had lots of family and friend stuff going on (things too personal); I wrote about pedagogy, ideas, student choice and voice, and it sounded preachy and pedantic (fear); I wrote about how I am good with thinking differently because I have an online PLN that supports my thinking (along with my teaching cohort) (fear); I wrote about how much less work it is to personalize learning with technology and feared teacher response (fear). More stuff happened to friends and loved ones and has activated that go-to response  and has exhausted me and makes me think I can’t quite take anything else (fear and too personal).

    There you have it: the subject of all my blogs that were layered under the context of really good things.  Here is the mash-up of all the good stuff I left behind:

    Caveat: I’m hoping this shows I really am okay:)

    Student choice allows students to have an authentic entry into learning; students’ voices are heard from the smallest items to the largest class-changing procedures; students can safely fail; students love learning and own it; students move me to learn, think, grow, every day.  What that last sentence just said x30.

    I’m more excited than ever to be a teacher. This school year, two weeks in, has been rough on me personally. I’ve been sick, busy with taking care of others, making sure I take care of myself, and...well, lots of other things. But being back to school has been the balm my soul has needed. My 8th graders are:
  • Charming
  • Funny
  • Compassionate
  • Filled with curiosity
  • Surprising
  • Hard working
  • Not-So-Hardworking
  • Silly
  • Soulfull
  • Themselves.

So, here. I braved this fear and am publishing this.  I needed to just reach out and write a blog. I will ask my students to hold me accountable for weekly blogs. And these 8th graders will do it.

And I ask my students to remind me, when I forget, to remember their lives, all that they have in their lives. All the good.  All the challenges. All that they fear. How it holds them back. And how we can move forward. How I can help them.


Gratitude: my students and my community of learners at school and online. And, Danny. And Emily.

Goal: put aside more fear so that my blogs reach more heartstrings.

P.S: to my 8th graders: Ms. Millikan described this blog as one big mindset.  What do you think?


​
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    6th grade language arts teacher at Westview Middle School in the St. Vrain Valley School District

    Old dog learning new tricks

    writer of fact and fiction

    educator of middle schoolers and self

    cat lover

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